When I was a child, I tried to stand up for myself, but I was always beaten down emotionally and physically. So, to survive the abuse, regardless of my hunger level, I stuffed myself with food. Many years later as an adult, I realized my childhood survival method wasn’t protecting me anymore. In fact, regardless of whether I felt sad or happy, I quickly found myself eating before I had time to figure out how I felt. This numbing method which had removed me from my painful childhood feelings, didn’t allow me to experience the good feelings that I had now, too. As a result, for most of my life, I felt sadly disconnected from myself, my thoughts and feelings.
So, how did learn to reconnect to myself and my emotions?
1. I forgave myself for doing the best I could with the tools I had at the time. Then, I forgave my family members for the way they treated me, so I could move forward. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you forget. It just means you surrender and release the past, and stop beating yourself up for things you couldn’t control.
2. I started to separate the past from the present, by making a list of how things were for me as a child vs. how things are for me now in the present. Example: As a child I was not able to defend myself. Today as an adult, I am safe, older and I am able to protect myself.
3. I decided to remove and release all the people in my life that did not treat me with kindness and respect.
4. I made a personal commitment to reclaim my feelings. Food is fuel, it doesn’t love me, it doesn’t protect me, it just made me physically bigger. When I ate without feeling hungry, I always felt emotionally worse, guilty, and out of control.
5. To keep this old process from repeating itself, I made a conscious decision to slow myself down and pay attention when I felt like overeating. To accomplish this, I kept a journal for my thoughts and feelings in my kitchen. Before I ate anything when I wasn’t hungry, I took (3) slow deep breaths, drank a glass of water, and wrote in my journal. I wanted to know what I was feeling, and I had pre-written questions in my journal that I made myself complete before I ate anything more. a.) The day and time b.) Was I physically hungry? c.) I had to rate my hunger level between 0-10. d.) What kind of food did I want to eat (sweet, salty, crunchy, etc.) d.) What was I thinking and feeling at the time e.) Was there anything I could do to comfort myself without eating?
6. My journal gave me a powerful wake-up call. I did have feelings – tons of them, and with time, love and patience, I started to connect the dots to the patterns that triggered my overeating. As a survivor of abuse, I wanted things to always stay the same, however, I had to learn and accept that life continues to move forward and change. And now as an adult, I realized I could take care of myself.
7. The more I listened and paid attention to my feelings, the stronger and more connected I felt to my true inner self. It still takes patience, as I have been stuffing my feelings down for a long time, but there is hope, and I can honestly say I have mostly good days now. However, when I see myself wanting to slip back into my old overeating habits, I know that I need to check in and listen to what I am feeling.
Being in touch with your true feelings helps you have more compassion for yourself and others. It allows you to feel and experience life in wonderful new ways of self love, joy, and the love of others. Take the time to listen to your true feelings, and discover your own beautiful light and love inside you. You are worth it!
Ann Russell is a contemporary Artist, published Writer, Certified Psychic Intuitive Coach, and Certified Angel Reader. Her mission is to help people connect to their own self love, and let their own spiritual light heal and grow. Please visit her blog at annrussell.wordpress.com.
Article Source: What Are You Stuffing Down To Survive?
